Responsibility...Schmontsability...

I have no problem not fulfilling my responsibilities.
At least those that don't matter all that much to me.
I guess I'm selfish in the sense that if I haven't fully committed myself or if I don't care enough about something I just don't do it, I dont go to it, I dont finish it. You get the jist.
I don't think that makes me a less of or a bad person. I just know what I care about, and what I'm willing to sacrifice for, and what I'm willing to follow through with.

My world seems to have been thrown off balance since he left.
I could never imagine being dependent on someone for stability. I never could imagine being dependent on someone to make my life have meaning. I never could imagine being dependent on someone for happiness. And yet, that boat seems to have picked me up, and decided to hold me captive. I don't feel as if I am a prisoner. I feel released, secure, safe. Happy. At last.

What's a Girl to Do?

My closest girlfriend, Bri, has plans to go to New York next year to work and go to school. She just up and decided to do such a thing and all I can think about is how exciting that would be! To just leave everything here in the MO behind, and strike out on an adventure. I know what is stopping me. The fear of deviating from this pre-planned road I have layed out in front of me. The fear of derailing my future. The fear of disappointing my family. I'm spending 24 grand a year for an undergraduate degree that I'm not sure is going to get me anywhere. I have faith it will, but I'm going to be in debt up to my eyeballs before I even enter law school.

I just want to buck all rules, responsibility, expectations, and strike out and do something on my own. New York, Las Vegas, California....wherever the wind blows me thats where I'll go. I have no desire to graduate college and automatically get a j-o-b. I think it would be exciting to live in Las Vegas and work for awhile. Not permanently, but a short little stint. Like jail.

Although, I now have you to consider.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
I have always been so damn independent that I would never alter my future plans for a member of the opposite sex. Then you came along and I'm loco in love and loco in action.

This was random first blog, but get used to it.