So, life is as confusing as ever.
I'm considering not returning to Jewell.
I applied to UMKC, albeit late, but we'll see if I get in. I know as soon as I mention it to the parents they're going to think I'm transferring because Philip will be attending law school there as will everyone else, but they're wrong. If I loved and enjoyed where I was attending school I would never entertain the thought of transferring, but I honestly am not enoying myself at all. College is not what I expected to be and I believe that is because of where I am currently enrolled. I listen to my close friends rave about how they love college and I want the same thing. I want to be excited about the school I attend. Maybe it's because I do not have many friends at Jewell. I do not really have any friends to be honest. That's another big adjustment. To go from highschool where I had tons of friends and could call any number of people up to hang out with to scrolling through my phonebook and not wanting to call anyone or those that I would call no longer live in LS. I know transferring to a much larger school in the middle of my college career won't be easy or mean automatic friends, but it will mean a fresh start. A new beginning.
Although, I wonder if I would enjoy Jewell if I was not in the Greek system. I've wondered this for a long time and think I've practically convinced myself of it. I want to quit. I hate it. I hate being in a sorority. The girls aren't bad, I'm just not friends with any of them. The reservations about quitting the sorority are who am I going to hang out with once I'm out. How will I make friends as a junior at a school where everyone knows everyone and by this time have established their set group of friends. Then again why continue to subject myself to something I can not stand. Everytime I discuss this with someone or write it out I seem to decide to quit. Then I convince myself to try it one more semester, but I honestly do not want to. I no longer want anything to do with it. I think I've made up my mine...maybe. ;)
That's it for now.
Sorry it's a little self-centered.
